Spilling my heart

So today's blog is going to be a bit different. I know I haven't written in a while, but I need to get a few things off of my chest, and I hope that in the process I can heal myself as well as, help someone else. Here it goes:

This morning I had an interesting conversation with my mom and it really made me reflect on many of the issues that I have had in my own life. I came to realize that even after 41 years of being on this planet, my mom has never really loved and accepted herself for what and who she is, and in turn, I had picked it up as a habit of my own. Always telling myself that I am not pretty enough or smart enough, or telling myself that something is not good enough at an attempt at false humility. And because I had believed this for so long, it was reflected in the way I reacted to people and the way people reacted to me. I was very saddened about the whole thing simply because this is the person that I came from. Despite her faults she is still my mother, and yet if she can't accept herself, how am I to accept who I am? It was truly a revelation to me. I think many times we pick up false truths from our parents and grandparents believing that this is life, and not realizing that we have the power of change working for us. I now understand that many of the perceptions of how I see myself through the eyes of mainstream america and through the eyes of someone who has never really understood the importance of self love, has to stop. I've always known from the time that I was 12 years old that I wasn't going to live an average life, but it has taken me so long to truly pick up my cross and bare my soul for fear of rejection-because I didn't believe in me/love me. I am so grateful that by the grace of God, I have realized early on that this isn't an acceptable way to live, and I refuse to take mediocrity as good enough.

On a side note, Happy Sunday all